Because I try to keep this blog as real as possible I decided to share the following story. I am not proud of my behavior, but I feel like my experience over the weekend is something I need to learn from and remember what NOT to do.
Over the weekend I realized that I am much more of a competitive person than I realized. I've always enjoyed playing games and participating in various semi-competitive activities, but I've never really cared about winning or losing, I just wanted to have fun.
I feel like at this point in my life, at age 30, I am in excellent shape...maybe the best shape of my life. I am able to run 10-12 miles without batting an eye, I can ride my bike without my legs burning, I can run and play with my kids, I can hike and climb with ease, my endurance level is at its all-time high. I haven't been in the "healthy weight" range for my height and age since I was first married, and now I finally am. My blood pressure is great and I have a slow heart rate, which is good. I have worked extremely hard to get where I physically am now and I am proud of all that I have accomplished. My life pretty much evolves around my work-outs; my kids day isn't complete without at least a 4 mile ride in their double "monster stroller." I started competing in various races and events to keep me motivated to stay in shape.
On Saturday I competed in my second triathlon ever. I was pleased with my swim time, despite my lack of swim training. The run went better than expected; I set my personal best 5k time and was the second woman to finish the run. Biking is my weak point, but I thought I did fairly well and was able to keep my second place status until my tire blew around the 3 mile mark. Up until my tire went completely flat I was feeling on top of the world, so liberated that I was beating most of the men in the competition, and most of all I felt validation; all of my hard work was paying off and I was having the best race of my life.
As soon as the tire blew out, my heart sank. I was almost immediately passed by 5-6 people and I knew that I had no chance whatsoever of finishing in the top 3, or even in the top 20 for that matter. Since I didn't have any way of repairing my tire on the course I had to continue on with it flat. I had to pedal twice as hard to go about half as fast...I was miserable to say the least. With each push of the pedal I got more and more angry, and then the tears came. I don't now what came over me, but I just started to sob with anger. Somehow I managed to ride my sorry little bike 6 more miles when a friend (who was also competing in the race) came up behind me and told me to pull off to the side so he could fix my tire. Turns out there was a huge chunk of glass wedged in the rubber. He quickly replaced my tube and I was able to ride the final mile to the finish line.
When I crossed the finish line I wasn't happy or relived that I finished, like I usually am, I was ticked!! Angry that I didn't finish in the top 10, angry that my tire went flat, and angry that all anyone wanted to tell me was "good job." Instead of sucking it up and letting the anger go, I stormed off to my car and hid from everyone. Spencer came and tried to convince me to get out of the car to talk to my friends, but I refused. I didn't want to hear how well I would have done if I hadn't gotten a flat tire, I just wanted to sit and sulk. I stayed in the car feeling angry and disappointed and did not emerge from my personal misery until almost everyone else had already left to go home. It was the worst display of unsportsmanlike conduct I have ever seen...and I saw how the Lakers played in the play-offs! I am so fortunate that my children were not present to witness their mother's horrid behavior and attitude.
I am not sure what came over me on Saturday because I have never really cared that much about a race, or any competition. I am usually just happy that I finish. I am extremely disappointed in the way I acted, but I guess I learned that I need to relax a little bit and not take everything so seriously. With two more major events on the horizon I will take this experience and learn from my mistakes....I refuse to display that kind of behavior ever again. I think it might be time for me to think about retiring from all this intense competition for awhile, I don't think it's healthy for me. It might be time to go back to exercising and working out just "for fun."
Over the weekend I realized that I am much more of a competitive person than I realized. I've always enjoyed playing games and participating in various semi-competitive activities, but I've never really cared about winning or losing, I just wanted to have fun.
I feel like at this point in my life, at age 30, I am in excellent shape...maybe the best shape of my life. I am able to run 10-12 miles without batting an eye, I can ride my bike without my legs burning, I can run and play with my kids, I can hike and climb with ease, my endurance level is at its all-time high. I haven't been in the "healthy weight" range for my height and age since I was first married, and now I finally am. My blood pressure is great and I have a slow heart rate, which is good. I have worked extremely hard to get where I physically am now and I am proud of all that I have accomplished. My life pretty much evolves around my work-outs; my kids day isn't complete without at least a 4 mile ride in their double "monster stroller." I started competing in various races and events to keep me motivated to stay in shape.
On Saturday I competed in my second triathlon ever. I was pleased with my swim time, despite my lack of swim training. The run went better than expected; I set my personal best 5k time and was the second woman to finish the run. Biking is my weak point, but I thought I did fairly well and was able to keep my second place status until my tire blew around the 3 mile mark. Up until my tire went completely flat I was feeling on top of the world, so liberated that I was beating most of the men in the competition, and most of all I felt validation; all of my hard work was paying off and I was having the best race of my life.
As soon as the tire blew out, my heart sank. I was almost immediately passed by 5-6 people and I knew that I had no chance whatsoever of finishing in the top 3, or even in the top 20 for that matter. Since I didn't have any way of repairing my tire on the course I had to continue on with it flat. I had to pedal twice as hard to go about half as fast...I was miserable to say the least. With each push of the pedal I got more and more angry, and then the tears came. I don't now what came over me, but I just started to sob with anger. Somehow I managed to ride my sorry little bike 6 more miles when a friend (who was also competing in the race) came up behind me and told me to pull off to the side so he could fix my tire. Turns out there was a huge chunk of glass wedged in the rubber. He quickly replaced my tube and I was able to ride the final mile to the finish line.
When I crossed the finish line I wasn't happy or relived that I finished, like I usually am, I was ticked!! Angry that I didn't finish in the top 10, angry that my tire went flat, and angry that all anyone wanted to tell me was "good job." Instead of sucking it up and letting the anger go, I stormed off to my car and hid from everyone. Spencer came and tried to convince me to get out of the car to talk to my friends, but I refused. I didn't want to hear how well I would have done if I hadn't gotten a flat tire, I just wanted to sit and sulk. I stayed in the car feeling angry and disappointed and did not emerge from my personal misery until almost everyone else had already left to go home. It was the worst display of unsportsmanlike conduct I have ever seen...and I saw how the Lakers played in the play-offs! I am so fortunate that my children were not present to witness their mother's horrid behavior and attitude.
I am not sure what came over me on Saturday because I have never really cared that much about a race, or any competition. I am usually just happy that I finish. I am extremely disappointed in the way I acted, but I guess I learned that I need to relax a little bit and not take everything so seriously. With two more major events on the horizon I will take this experience and learn from my mistakes....I refuse to display that kind of behavior ever again. I think it might be time for me to think about retiring from all this intense competition for awhile, I don't think it's healthy for me. It might be time to go back to exercising and working out just "for fun."
6 comments:
Heidi and I looked for you after the race... but I have to admit that is kinda funny. And, even more so, I am sad to admit, I would have probably done the exact same thing. Sorry, but I totally understand the competitive thing. At least when I am decent at something. :)
HA HA HA...I thought when YOU PASSED ME that I heard your tire totally squeaking and making a funny noise.
And I would have done the same thing too. I wasn't even going to do it and was very sick, but knew (the competitive nature in me) if I didn't do all 3 events I'd be mad all week, so I just did it. And have been paying the price SINCE! BUT I have to say I have gotten a LOT better about not being so competitive, and it is HARD and always a work in progress!
Your awesome and a little bit of competition is GOOD for the soul!
Poor Holly! I saw you Saturday evening too, I forgot you were running in the race. I'm an awful friend! You've had bad luck lately huh? first your knee goes out in that one crazy race you did, and now this. I'd be ticked off too!
I think you were totally within your right to be upset. We all do things we're not proud of from time to time, and I think its great that you want to learn from it and try to be better. I also think I'd have done the same thing. It sucks that you worked and trained so hard just to have something outside of your control happen and ruin it for you. But again I wanna tell you congrats for just being able to do all that. You're still and always will be AMAZING!
I love your honesty about moments like this. You are an awesome woman and a great SIL.
Holly I had no idea you could be soo horrible! :) yeah right! Who cares?! so you blew off some steam! We all still love you and respect you for just being human! I probably would have done the same thing... I've been known to pout and cry for even stupider things trust me!
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